Reality setting in

This morning was not such a good morning.  Reality is setting in that there is a very real possibility that I will never have that biological child.  I will most likely never be able to look at my child and see myself in them, never see my familie's traits.  This has always been something I did not think I cared about but now that I am faced with it I guess it seems I do.  Don't get me wrong, the yearn to have children his stronger than the need for a bio child so we will definately pursue adoption or donor eggs but for now I am mourning my fertility.

I guess this is probably at the core of why I want to get this next cycle started as soon as possible.  I need to know one way or another whether I should be closing the door on the prospect of a bio child.  I feel like by waiting to cycle it's like pulling a band aid off slowly and just stretching out the process.  I also compare it to dangling that carrot just out of my reach.  There's that little bit of hope of getting that child that feels like if I just stretch hard enough maybe I could grasp it.  The longer it's hanging there the more cruel it seems.