This sucks

It is never a good sign when the doctor themselves calls you.

Of the 9 eggs retrieved,  8 were mature but only 2 fertilized.  Because of the huge drop off, it's up in the air if we'll even have anything to transfer by Wednesday.

Basically the odds of being successful this cyle has gone completely down the tubes.

I'm devastated, I can't help but feel that our ectopic pregnancy was the closest we'll ever get to success.

Glad that's over with

Well I for one am super happy this morning is over with.  The part everyone is interested in,  we had 9 eggs retrieved.  We should get a call tomorrow to find out how many fertilized.

The morning started ok,  I couldn't sleep much last night but thankfully we were the first ones in.

The nurse who was there today appparanly is not super good at putting in IVs.  I have small, deep,  rolly veins.  Not so good to get an IV in on someone who couldn't eat or drink for the last 12 hours.  I seriously think she was about to give up but thankfully after about 15 minutes she finally got the IV in. (and actually did a good job,  no bruise!)

We then got to speak to the doctor and I expressed my concerns regarding how much the retrieval hurt last time so they agreed to add some Ketamine to mix of meds.

We were then brought into the procedure room and they administered all the fancy drugs.  I loved the drugs,  they definately made me completely out of it.  The only problme was,  by the time they started,  the drugs were already wearing off!  They didn't believe me but my husband could also for sure tell.  I guess I metabolize the stuff much faster than the average person.

So overall if anything I found this time to be even more painful than the last.  They had issues draining the follicles for some reason and also ended up changing the needle like 2 or 3 times.  I don' t remember that happening last time for sure.   The procdure itself ended up taking more time than the last.

Now that it's over,  I am in quite a bit of pain.  Last time I had some menstrual type cramps for the rest of the day but nothing a heating pad couldn't help with.  This time I could barely move up until about a half hour ago and the heating pad and tylenol were not cutting it.  Thankfully I seem to have turned the corner and am feeling quite a bit better and now able to sit up and write this!


I am also a little disappointed about the amount of eggs retrieved.  I know 9 is a good number but last time all the follicles had eggs and they didn't this time.  I can't help but wonder if the follicles they had issues draining were the culprit?

Let's just hope all those 9 fertilize and keep growing until day 5!  Now we just wait and see.

Milk of Magnesia sucks!

Well the trigger shot went fine last night.  Woohoo,  no more giving myself needles for a bit :)

The part that didn't go so well was the milk of magnesia.  The clinic requires you to take this stuff the night of the trigger to "clear the pipes" so to speak before the egg retrieval .  Well apparanly my stomach did not like it and it came right back up about 10 seconds later.

I called the clinic first thing this morning to make sure it was ok and see if there was something else I could take.  Thankfully they said that since I'm not backed up, there shouldn't be a problem.  Phew.

Of course,  when it comes to super greasy foods I have a stomach of steel but a little bit of medication with a bad taste and it's game over.

Trigger tonight!

Woohoo!,  only one more injection left and that's the trigger shot!

Today's U/S showed 10 follicles over 15mm nicely bunched together and about 3-4 more just little further behind but should be ready by retrieval day :)

Egg Retrieval is scheduled for Sunday morning at 8:30 (first one of the day) :)

I was finding the injections were starting to hurt again for some reason to the point I think my husband was going to have to start giving them to me because I was starting to chicken out.  With just one more to go, I think I can handle it.

Walking like an old lady!

Well I woke up this morning and man those ovaries are sooo sore.  The motion of just walking hurts!
I don't remember this happening like this last time,  maybe it's because I have more follicles this time?  Of course now I am wondering if this is normal

Meanwhile I am getting weird looks at the office since I am walking soooo slowly :P

Walking on air :)

U/S #3 went great! Lots of follicles showing up now (over 10 for sure,  too many dots too count) and nicely grouped together (at the 12-14mm mark,  over 15 is mature and ready to trigger).

Last cycle I responded to the meds way better than the doctors ever thought I would.  I was so scared that it would have been a fluke.  Well turns out maybe it wasn't because this time it's going even better!  More follicles at this point and much nicer grouping (growing at same rate).  I have no hogs so far this time that are taking up all the hormones and running away.  I like it when the follies share :P

My lining is also looking great and thicker than last time so hopefully there will be a nice cushy place for the little embies to snuggle.

Please, Please keep going like this!  I am walking on air for now.  I've been down for so long that to finally get some good news like this is almost overwhelming.  It feels weird to be happy!   I know things can change on a dime,  it's the nature of infertility but I am chosing to enjoy this for now. (I am weepy as I write this,  man I am officially hormonal, lol)

The doctor also re-confirmed how much of a good sign it was that we conceived last time.  Even though the outcome sucked, it showed we CAN get good eggs, good embryos.  The fact that the little guy snuggled and thrived in such a hostile environment (my tube) demonstrates for sure we can make good embryos.

Next U/S is Friday.  We get a break tomorrow since based on last cycle's response I showed we can get good eggs out of slightly larger follicles.  We are triggering probably Friday or Saturday with the retrieval being Sunday/Monday.

Starting to get uncomfortable

I am starting to really feel those ovaries.  Up until now it's mostly only been when I am laying down but not anymore.  It's quite the weird feeling,  it sort of feels like right before I ovulate pain combined with pre-period bloating all at the same time.   Not super painful just makes me unconfortable. 

I am also starting to run out of room to inject on my stomach!   I can't help but wonder what happens if I do it too many times in one spot if there are issues.  I find in some areas it stays marked for longer so I'll avoid that bruise / welt area but other times there's nothing so it looks like a clear spot and I just keep injecting there until it goes bad!  Argh,  the silly things I worry about  :P

u/s # 3 is tomorrow morning, 2.5 more days of work until I am off for 6 work days :)

U/S #2

U/s #2 went better than the first,  I much prefered this tech.  I didn't feel quite so rushed and she took her time.  We are up to 7 measurable follicles between 10-13mm,  most are around 11mm,  there's also about 10 more that are less than 10mm.  The doctor predicts the egg retrieval will be this weekend.

To compare,  we had about 4 measurable at this point last time and the follicles are much closer in size this time around which is better.  I hope it stays this way!  Grow follies grow!

Up until now I've felt I've been pretty much on autopilot and that his wasn't happening.  I am finally starting to come around and realize it's finally happening again :)

ultrasound # 1

First U/S results are in, 12 little follicles growing (only 1 measurable at this point at 10mm). This is compared to 14 little ones at this point last time so looks like we're pretty much on track    We might possibly be upping my Puregon dose depending on how my Estrogen levels look which means I need to keep my phone nearby,  no call means same dose,  a call means we change.

Sooo tired

OMG the exhaustion has started full force now.  By 5pm last night I was ready to curl up in bed I was sooo tired.  I managed to push myself to stay up until 8:30 but that was it!

Of course,  I was awake at 5am this morning and couldn't go back to sleep (1 hour before my alarm clock) and I am now ready for a nap.  This is going to be a looooonnng day.

Ultrasound #1 is tomorrow :)  I always find the first one nerve wracking because that's when you find out if you're responding as you should.

Things went better yesterday with the repronex.  Still burned going in but at least the red mark isn't as bad this morning.   I wonder if it's just the area of the stomach?  I definately prefer the Puregon injection,  goes in WAY easier.

Side effects are not too bad yet.  I think the tiredness is starting to kick in a little bit but it could also just be normal tiredness I guess.

Last cycle I was brought on day 4 of stims because I tended to surge pretty early with my IUIs so we wanted to get me started on the orglutran earlier.  This time the first appointment is day 5 of stims.  My biggest worry right now is that we'll get in on Saturday and my body will already be trying to ovulate!  I know it's unlikely but it's still something that's been nagging at me.  Maybe it's because I can already feel "something" working as in it's already uncomfortable lying on my stomach at night. 

I now remember why I hate Repronex so much!  Gosh that stuff burns while going in.   At least after the injection the pain went away quick but still.  I have what 10ish more days to go?  I now have a nice red splotch on my belly a few inches big to remind me where the injection was.  

Well AF finally showed up yesterday and I start stimming tonight :)
My first u/s will be Saturday.  Of course because it's a weekend I get a nice and early appointment.  Oh well,  more time to do stuff afterwards I guess.

I am however pretty frustrated with the clinic right now.  Their pharmacy hours are 8:00-3:00.  In order to pick up medications I have to take time off work.  Usually I would pick up my medication at the beginning of my cycle (so leave work early once) and I would have enough to last me until my first appointment and just pick up more then.  If it fell on a weekend,  the  nurses would take an imprint of the card and it would be processed on the Monday but I'd still get my drugs.  This time however,  the first time they didn't have my dexamethasone,  they had run out so I had to go back.  Now apparantly since my first appointment is on Saturday,  I have to go back a 3rd time and pick up more to last me until my 2nd appointment!  I hate it when they change their rules like this!

Argh,  where is AF!! The one time I am looking forward to it,  she takes her time!  I actually think things are finally strating now but it's too late to call the clinic.  Guess it will have to wait until tomorrow.  Now I have to wait and see what the clinic will consider my day 1.  I've been lucky in the past,  she always shows up super early so there's no wondering what will be my day 1 with the clinic.  

Another day, another shot

The orgalutran shot didn't hurt as much today and way less itchy/burny.  One more injection tomorrow then I wait for my day 1!  I should start stimming as early as Sunday / Monday.

Starting to get annoyed already by those who know what is going on and keep saying they are so sure it's going to work and I'm going to have twins!  There is nothing sure in this world and it is very possible that it doesn't.  It's a friggen crapshoot at this point wether we end up with a baby or not, nevermind two.  We're given right now about 50/50 chance of getting pregnant.  Hopefully that stat stays that way doesn't drop.

One shot down, 35 more to go?

Survived the first shot of the cycle.  I definately hesitated too much and went too slowly so it hurt more than it should have.  Note to self,  must jab quickly!  Only one shot for the next 2 days then a small break and then the big stuff starts!  I am sure these next few weeks will just fly by.

I do find myself though this time being much more patient.  I guess the experience of going for beta after beta last time waiting for it to drop has made me learn patience.  I also find myself not being able to look past the Embryo Transfer.   I can't even let myself think about what the whole goal of this process is.  Deep down I know I am hopeful because we did get one to stick last time but the thought of this not working or another miscarriage is just too scary to deal with. 

Why can't I just conceive like someone normal!!

First day of hormones

I called in my day 1 to the clinic on December 22.  I then tested with OPKs (ovulation predictor kits) and got a  positive right on schedule Jan 3rd. 

Here we are 10 days later and it finally starts!  This morning I had to remember to put on an Estrogen patch.  So far so good.  I didn't get much side effects from this last time so I don't expect it this time either.  I'm kind of scared I didn't put it on right though as a corner is already peeling and it has to stay on until Friday morning. 

Tomorrow morning I take the first injection of the cycle,  Orgalutran.  I always find the first injection to be the most difficult to psych myself out to do it.  Hopefully it all goes smoothly!

I guess my husband now has an excuse for everything I do.  I'm "hormonal"!

My journey so far

Let's start off with a little bit about me and our journey to date.   I'm a little late starting this but what the heck, I thought I'd give it a try.  My husband and I have been trying to conceive since June 2008 so that makes it over 2.5 years.  I always had a feeling that conceiving could be difficult just because it was something I wanted so much.

In June 2009, we went to see the doctor because it had been a year of trying with no results he decided to refer us to the fertility clinic. Our first appointment was September 2009 where we met with the doctor who reassured us that because I had regular cycles and was still young he was confident we would conceive eventually and sent us for a bunch of tests.

The results of the tests came back in November 2009 that my ovaries don't know how old I'm supposed to be.  Apparantly the clock is definately ticking as I have the ovaries of a 40 year old!  We also have mild-moderate male factor so those 2 issues combines explain why we're here.  The doctor gave us 2 choices.  Either IVF or IUI.  IVF has a much higher success rate (50%) vs IUI (15%) the catch is that IUIs are WAY cheaper than IVF and less invasive.  We decided then to proceed with IUI and signed the consent forms and went for training on administering injections.

First IUI was in Jan 2010.  I responded nicely to the drugs but my body decided to ovulate a little prematurely but we still proceeded with the IUI as we had 7 follicles growing and hoped at least one would mature enough in the few days that passed.  Miracle of miracles,  we found out we were pregnant!  I was crushed 2 weeks later to find out we miscarried.

Second IUI May 2010.  Repeated same dose as January,  but my body didn't respond quite as well and only ended up with one mature follicle and that round did not work.  Crushed again :(

Third IUI June 2010.  Hoping that third time is the charm,  but nope,  with an increased dosage and 2 nice follicles,  nothing, nada happened.

Time to move on to IVF.  July 2010 I call in my day 1 to the clinic and we started the Estrogen Priming Protocol.  Everything progressed nicely and I ended up responding way better to the meds than the doctors ever thought I would.  We were able to retrieve 15 eggs (instead of the 3-6 predicted),  12 fertilized.  9 were still kicking around 3 days later so we decided to wait until day 5.  On day 5, August 30th,  we transfered two early blasts of medium quality (so they were a little slow growing and of ok quality).

10 days later I took a test and low and behold there was a very faint line.  I knew right then and there however that something was wrong,  the line was too faint.  Sure enough, bloodtests revealed that my beta HCG was about 1/3 of where it should have been at that point.  We thought we were repeating what happened in January.  However, my levels just kept going up and up. At 5.5 weeks I started getting pains on my right side and got really scared.  The clinic brought me in that day for an emergency ultra sound which revealed nothing in my uterus and something "dangly" near my right ovary which was most likely the pregnancy but difficult to tell at that point.  We thought at that point that my body was taking care of things on it's own since my beta started to finally stopped rising and then dropped. 

4 days later had another blood test and my beta was rising again!  Checked it 2 days later and still rising! What was going on??  Another ultra sound revealed that the mass beside my ovary was in fact growing and was a pregnancy sac in my tube.  Crap it's ectopic for sure.  We had 2 choices. Go for surgery right away or administer methotrexate (a cancer drug that attacks rapidly dividing cells).  The metho has an 85% -90% success rate for someone in my position and was recommended by the doctor so we did that.  Definately one of the worse days of my life.  I felt like I was killing my baby :(

We had a few more bloodtests over the following week which revealed by beta had stopped rising but was barely dropping.  Looks like I was not in that 85-90%.  We had another dose of methotrexate given and the beta finally started to drop more.  It took 5 more weeks for me to be out of the danger zone of my tube bursting and on Nov 17th my beta finally reached 0.  My veins were definately thankfull after nearly 30 blood tests!

We are now embarking on our 2nd IVF.  We are on the same protocol as last time so hopefully we get a similare amount of eggs but with better end results!