I am now 20 weeks and 4 days pregnant. We had the anatomy ultrasound on September 1st. I was VERY nervous going into it since I still wasn't feeling baby move yet. As soon as she but the probe on my belly we saw her move her arms so that was reassured me right away. Baby seems to be doing very well though she was a little shy :P At first she would not open her legs to give us a look at the gender so the tech sent me to empty my bladder. Well she did move and open her legs but kept her hand in the way so we still couldn't see! The tech then had me lay on my side for about 10 minutes and finally she eventually gave us the money shot. There is absolutely no doubt that it's a girl! Also found out that the reason I am not feeling her move much yet is that I have an anterior placenta (placenta is in the front) which is cushioning the movements.
It's now nearly 2 weeks later and I *think* I am feeling her move more and more. Definately not enough to feel from the outside but too often for it to be just gas. I am very much looking forward to knowing for sure it's her I am feeling moving!
We made our first big purchase this weekend which felt really weird. We bought our stroller. Hubby is the one who made the decision to get that particular stroller yet as we walked out the store his first comment was "holy crap, this is actually happening!" Now to start looking for carseats, cribs, and all the other fun stuff! It's so surreal to be able to actually buy this stuff and that that "someday hopefully" is finally here!
I am definately super happy we found out the gender, it's what's finally made this feel a little more real. I still have my doubting moments where I get scared but at least I am having more moments were I am just really enjoying going through the pregnancy. I can't believe I am halfway!!! Only 3 and a half more weeks and she'll have reached viability!
Monday, September 12, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
15 weeks
Well I finally made it to the 2nd trimester and we still had a heartbeat on Tuesday! I got super stressed when the doctor couldn't find it at first and started talking about sending me for an ultrasound. Thank goodness she was eventually able to find it and it was at a nice 160 :)
I am still having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that this should be it. We should have a baby in about 5.5 months. It definately still feels weird and I feel like it's only a dream and reality will swoop in at any point. I am able to window shop, talk to people about plans but when it comes to making any of those concrete it kind of freaks me out. People have started asking if we've started picking things up for the baby so I've been giving them the excuse we are waiting to find out the gender first. At least that buys me a little time.
A friend of mine is a doula and texted me a few days ago that she had one spot open in January and did I want it. Making that commitment has been one of the hardest things so far and had I not known the doula personally or the other VERY generous friend who will be covering the bill for us as a gift I don't think I could have done it. I am however thankful to them for making me take that first step. Still freaking out a little on the inside though and wondering if I've jinxed myself now.
All that being said, I do feel incredibly blessed and thankful to be in the situation I am in today and though I am still fucked up emotionally, I wouldn't trade it for the world (well other than being able to get my other baby back too)
I am still having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that this should be it. We should have a baby in about 5.5 months. It definately still feels weird and I feel like it's only a dream and reality will swoop in at any point. I am able to window shop, talk to people about plans but when it comes to making any of those concrete it kind of freaks me out. People have started asking if we've started picking things up for the baby so I've been giving them the excuse we are waiting to find out the gender first. At least that buys me a little time.
A friend of mine is a doula and texted me a few days ago that she had one spot open in January and did I want it. Making that commitment has been one of the hardest things so far and had I not known the doula personally or the other VERY generous friend who will be covering the bill for us as a gift I don't think I could have done it. I am however thankful to them for making me take that first step. Still freaking out a little on the inside though and wondering if I've jinxed myself now.
All that being said, I do feel incredibly blessed and thankful to be in the situation I am in today and though I am still fucked up emotionally, I wouldn't trade it for the world (well other than being able to get my other baby back too)
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
So lost
Today was a very difficult day. We found out that one of our precious twins did not make it. Seems he/she passed away shortly after our last ultrasound.
Looking back I knew something was wrong since Thursday. I started to experience some bleeding and very mild cramping. The bleeding stayed brown and very light so I tried to convince myself it was nothing. I was seeing my OB the following week so no point in doing anything right? Even if I had gotten checked right away it would not have changed the outcome but I knew deep down something was wrong but I brushed it off as being paranoid. Brown bleeding is nothing to worry about right? It stopped by Sunday so I hoped everything was ok.
This morning we had our first OB appointment. I went in with excitement but was pretty stressed and hoping we'd get some reassurance. It's routine to go for an u/s before appointments when you're high risk so that's what we did.
I knew right away when I got to get a good look at the screen that something was wrong. One baby was wriggly and kicking all over the place, the other was much smaller (looked the same as last time really) and not moving. There was no flicker. The tech wasn't supposed to tell us anything but I point blank asked her to confirm that there was no heartbeat and she confirmed my fear.
We were then led directly to an office where we got to meat the OB for the first time and he confirmed for sure that one twin was gone. Thankfully the other baby is doing great, measuring right on track, at 11 weeks strong heartbeat of 171. He confirmed to us that physically, losing one twin has little impact on the second twin, if anything it gives this little guy a better chance since a singleton pregnancy is way less risky than a twin. Emotionally however it's a different story. We are going back in 2 weeks for IPS testing and another u/s. If everything looks good we might see him once more a month later but oherwise we go back to my GP as a normal low risk singleton pregnancy.
I am having a hard time dealing with all of this. I know I should be thankful for the one remaining but it's hard to be right now. I am just missing the one that is gone. It's sort of like telling someone who has an older child who has a miscarriage that at least they have that child. It doesn't make that loss hurt less.
With a normal miscarriage you get the physical side of things that helps make things more real and concrete so you can deal and move on. I don't have that. Instead I am carrying my dead baby inside me. It may get reabsorbed or it may just stay there for the remainder of the pregnancy. I found it hard seeing the other baby kicking and moving around and hitting its twin. I just want that baby to be left alone! I also can't let myself spiral down because I have this other little baby that has to be taken care of. I need to make sure I eat and rest so that this baby can keep growing and thrive. That's so hard to do but thankfully I have a great husband who is forcing me to eat.
So right now I am lost and don't know where to turn, but I know over time it will get better. I still have another little one to take care of. The next 2 weeks are going to be stressful while we wait for our next u/s but I know we'll get through this.
Rest in peace my little baby angel and say hi to your 2 siblings for me. You will always hold a special place in my heart and we will tell your brother/sister about you and show them your picture.
Looking back I knew something was wrong since Thursday. I started to experience some bleeding and very mild cramping. The bleeding stayed brown and very light so I tried to convince myself it was nothing. I was seeing my OB the following week so no point in doing anything right? Even if I had gotten checked right away it would not have changed the outcome but I knew deep down something was wrong but I brushed it off as being paranoid. Brown bleeding is nothing to worry about right? It stopped by Sunday so I hoped everything was ok.
This morning we had our first OB appointment. I went in with excitement but was pretty stressed and hoping we'd get some reassurance. It's routine to go for an u/s before appointments when you're high risk so that's what we did.
I knew right away when I got to get a good look at the screen that something was wrong. One baby was wriggly and kicking all over the place, the other was much smaller (looked the same as last time really) and not moving. There was no flicker. The tech wasn't supposed to tell us anything but I point blank asked her to confirm that there was no heartbeat and she confirmed my fear.
We were then led directly to an office where we got to meat the OB for the first time and he confirmed for sure that one twin was gone. Thankfully the other baby is doing great, measuring right on track, at 11 weeks strong heartbeat of 171. He confirmed to us that physically, losing one twin has little impact on the second twin, if anything it gives this little guy a better chance since a singleton pregnancy is way less risky than a twin. Emotionally however it's a different story. We are going back in 2 weeks for IPS testing and another u/s. If everything looks good we might see him once more a month later but oherwise we go back to my GP as a normal low risk singleton pregnancy.
I am having a hard time dealing with all of this. I know I should be thankful for the one remaining but it's hard to be right now. I am just missing the one that is gone. It's sort of like telling someone who has an older child who has a miscarriage that at least they have that child. It doesn't make that loss hurt less.
With a normal miscarriage you get the physical side of things that helps make things more real and concrete so you can deal and move on. I don't have that. Instead I am carrying my dead baby inside me. It may get reabsorbed or it may just stay there for the remainder of the pregnancy. I found it hard seeing the other baby kicking and moving around and hitting its twin. I just want that baby to be left alone! I also can't let myself spiral down because I have this other little baby that has to be taken care of. I need to make sure I eat and rest so that this baby can keep growing and thrive. That's so hard to do but thankfully I have a great husband who is forcing me to eat.
So right now I am lost and don't know where to turn, but I know over time it will get better. I still have another little one to take care of. The next 2 weeks are going to be stressful while we wait for our next u/s but I know we'll get through this.
Rest in peace my little baby angel and say hi to your 2 siblings for me. You will always hold a special place in my heart and we will tell your brother/sister about you and show them your picture.
Friday, June 24, 2011
9 weeks 1 day
I've been bad about blogging lately. I've been debating whether I should continue now that I'm pregnant and following the lead of another pregnant infertile I've been following, I decided to continue. It'll be a nice way of documenting my pregnancy.
First things first, last week we had another ultrasound. To our great surprise, there was another baby in there! It's twins! At 8 weeks 0 days, Baby A was measuring 8weeks 2 days and Baby B (who is apparantly less photogenic than Baby A) was measuring 8 weeks 3 days. Both had strong heartbeats of 176!
![]()
Overall I've been feeling good, I'm just sooo excited to finally be pregnant and to have 2 little ones on the way is so exciting and so scary all at the same time!
Morning sickness has been bad but it's now pretty controlled with the help of diclectin. I found out the hard way this week that missing one dose is not a good thing. I kept absolutely nothing down the next day!
My belly is also already starting to grow. I definately need to get my but in gear and start taking pictures! I have very few items of clothing that still fit me, so I'll be going mat clothes shopping this weekend. I can't wait. It is the coolest thing to feel my belly starting to get hard. I'm definately at the is she gaining weight or is she pregnant stage. However if I keep growing at this rate it won't take long to look pregnant!
First OB appointment is in 12 days, can't wait!
First things first, last week we had another ultrasound. To our great surprise, there was another baby in there! It's twins! At 8 weeks 0 days, Baby A was measuring 8weeks 2 days and Baby B (who is apparantly less photogenic than Baby A) was measuring 8 weeks 3 days. Both had strong heartbeats of 176!
Overall I've been feeling good, I'm just sooo excited to finally be pregnant and to have 2 little ones on the way is so exciting and so scary all at the same time!
Morning sickness has been bad but it's now pretty controlled with the help of diclectin. I found out the hard way this week that missing one dose is not a good thing. I kept absolutely nothing down the next day!
My belly is also already starting to grow. I definately need to get my but in gear and start taking pictures! I have very few items of clothing that still fit me, so I'll be going mat clothes shopping this weekend. I can't wait. It is the coolest thing to feel my belly starting to get hard. I'm definately at the is she gaining weight or is she pregnant stage. However if I keep growing at this rate it won't take long to look pregnant!
First OB appointment is in 12 days, can't wait!
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Ultra sound results are in
Well we had our ultra sound this morning and we have one little bean growing! At this point it is much too early to see much, even the sac itself is still super tiny, nevermind seeing if there's anything growing in it.
So as it stands now we have an early gestational sac growing in the uterus and measuring right on target for my dates.
Our next ultrasound is in 3 weeks on June 16th. At that point we'll be able to see our little bean as well as it's heartbeat. I can't wait!
The doctor also gave me a prescription for diclectin. I am already starting with the nausea so this way I have it on hand if/when things get worse. Never thought I would actually be happy to feel sick! So far it just makes things more real and exciting. Probably won't say the same thing in a few weeks but right now I am enjoying all the not so fun pregnancy things since I am soooo grateful to be in this situation.
So as it stands now we have an early gestational sac growing in the uterus and measuring right on target for my dates.
Our next ultrasound is in 3 weeks on June 16th. At that point we'll be able to see our little bean as well as it's heartbeat. I can't wait!
The doctor also gave me a prescription for diclectin. I am already starting with the nausea so this way I have it on hand if/when things get worse. Never thought I would actually be happy to feel sick! So far it just makes things more real and exciting. Probably won't say the same thing in a few weeks but right now I am enjoying all the not so fun pregnancy things since I am soooo grateful to be in this situation.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
A little secret
Well, now that we've told the parents.... I think it's safe to put this here.
Took a test Wednesday and Thursday and saw this (top is Wednesday, bottom is Thursday) I apologize for the quality of the picture, it was taken with my phone.
Had my bloodwork done yesterday and beta came back at 354 and progesterone 127. It's official, we're pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To compare numbers, my first pregnancy, at equivalent date, beta was 50 and progesterond about 27. I was told that was too low and not a good pregnancy, they were right.
Second pregnancy, beta 2 days later than this was 37 and progesterone 38. Stopped the meds and progesterone dropped to 3. This pregnancy was ectopic.
The nurse said that in 2 days from now they want it definately over 100 to be viable and ideally over 300. We're already there!
Our first ultrasound is scheduled for Thursday to rule out for sure another ectopic and to see if it's one or two! It will be too early for a heartbeat but we should be able to see a baby as a little blob :)
I am over the moon happy right now and since this is probably our last chance at being pregnant no matter what the outcome, I will try and enjoy every minute of it and crossing my finger we're in this for another 9 months. Our due date is January 25th :)
If you know me in real life, please keep this a secret for now, extended family have not been told the news yet and probably won't until we see a heartbeat.
Took a test Wednesday and Thursday and saw this (top is Wednesday, bottom is Thursday) I apologize for the quality of the picture, it was taken with my phone.
Had my bloodwork done yesterday and beta came back at 354 and progesterone 127. It's official, we're pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To compare numbers, my first pregnancy, at equivalent date, beta was 50 and progesterond about 27. I was told that was too low and not a good pregnancy, they were right.
Second pregnancy, beta 2 days later than this was 37 and progesterone 38. Stopped the meds and progesterone dropped to 3. This pregnancy was ectopic.
The nurse said that in 2 days from now they want it definately over 100 to be viable and ideally over 300. We're already there!
Our first ultrasound is scheduled for Thursday to rule out for sure another ectopic and to see if it's one or two! It will be too early for a heartbeat but we should be able to see a baby as a little blob :)
I am over the moon happy right now and since this is probably our last chance at being pregnant no matter what the outcome, I will try and enjoy every minute of it and crossing my finger we're in this for another 9 months. Our due date is January 25th :)
If you know me in real life, please keep this a secret for now, extended family have not been told the news yet and probably won't until we see a heartbeat.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Half way there
Well made it through the first half of the dreaded 2 week wait. Unfortunately I've been sick through most of it. I caught a stupid cold that just doesn't seem to want to let go. At first it was more of a head cold and now it's moved down to my lungs. And of course I can't take anything to help with the symptoms. I really hope I am suffering through this for a reason!
My spirits so far have been good. I've been trying to not get my hopes up too much but it's been hard not to. I catch myself getting hopeful and excited but I keep trying to push that part down and away but it's definitely there. I'm just so scared of being hurt again. I am also very scared to test now and I almost prefer not knowing it's better than knowing it didn't work but on the flip side if it did, I'd like to know sooner rather than later!
My spirits so far have been good. I've been trying to not get my hopes up too much but it's been hard not to. I catch myself getting hopeful and excited but I keep trying to push that part down and away but it's definitely there. I'm just so scared of being hurt again. I am also very scared to test now and I almost prefer not knowing it's better than knowing it didn't work but on the flip side if it did, I'd like to know sooner rather than later!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
PUPO again
Well I am officially PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise) again.
Out of our 7 embryos, 2 had arrested completely, 3 were very slow growing and not of freezable quality, 2 had made it to an early blast stage, one of which was of average quality and one was below average. We transfred both of the blasts. Our first cycle when we made it to a 5 day transfer, both blasts had been of average quality.
I am pretty happy with the outcome so far and now we just wait. The odds of this cycle working out is about 50% and we are hoppy our little embryos are snuggling in nicely :)
Out of our 7 embryos, 2 had arrested completely, 3 were very slow growing and not of freezable quality, 2 had made it to an early blast stage, one of which was of average quality and one was below average. We transfred both of the blasts. Our first cycle when we made it to a 5 day transfer, both blasts had been of average quality.
I am pretty happy with the outcome so far and now we just wait. The odds of this cycle working out is about 50% and we are hoppy our little embryos are snuggling in nicely :)
Saturday, May 7, 2011
No news is good news
Well the clinic didn't call today so that means we are still on track for a day 5 transfer. Yay!!!!!
I never thought we'd get a day 5 transfer so I hadn't even booked Tuesday off. Looks like I need to call my boss and tell him I'll be only be back on Wednesday.
I never thought we'd get a day 5 transfer so I hadn't even booked Tuesday off. Looks like I need to call my boss and tell him I'll be only be back on Wednesday.
Friday, May 6, 2011
we have embryos!!
Just got the phone call from the nurse and we have 7 embryos growing!!! I am over the moon and started crying happy tears :)
We are currently scheduled for a day 5 transfer on Tuesday but I am preparing myself for a call tomorrow to tell me it will be a day 3 instead. It just depends on how many arrest between now and then. Crossing my fingers most of the 7 embies keep going strong :)
For today at least I am walking around with a huge smile on my face.
Hmm, now I just realized I didn't ask how many of the 12 were mature. Doesn't really make a difference though but I am curious now.
We are currently scheduled for a day 5 transfer on Tuesday but I am preparing myself for a call tomorrow to tell me it will be a day 3 instead. It just depends on how many arrest between now and then. Crossing my fingers most of the 7 embies keep going strong :)
For today at least I am walking around with a huge smile on my face.
Hmm, now I just realized I didn't ask how many of the 12 were mature. Doesn't really make a difference though but I am curious now.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Retrieval done
Retrieval was today and we got 12 eggs!! Woohoo!!
Overall things went much smoother this time. I warned the nurse ahead of time of my difficult veins for IVs so she went and got someone else. I think that was the fastest I've ever had an IV done and just one poke (the nurse actually admitted it was it was just blind luck as she had no idea if the vein was even there!)
I was also given more drugs for the retrieval. Again the ketomine itself was wearing off too quick but I was given more fentinyl and topped up mid procedure which definately helped. It was still painful but not as much as the other 2 times which makes me very happy :)
Now I wait for tomorrow's phone call to find out if any of those 12 eggs were any good.
Overall things went much smoother this time. I warned the nurse ahead of time of my difficult veins for IVs so she went and got someone else. I think that was the fastest I've ever had an IV done and just one poke (the nurse actually admitted it was it was just blind luck as she had no idea if the vein was even there!)
I was also given more drugs for the retrieval. Again the ketomine itself was wearing off too quick but I was given more fentinyl and topped up mid procedure which definately helped. It was still painful but not as much as the other 2 times which makes me very happy :)
Now I wait for tomorrow's phone call to find out if any of those 12 eggs were any good.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Almost at the end
U/S # 3 was yesterday. Some of the missing follicles seemed to have re-appeared so as I thought, the tech on Sunday had missed quite a few. About 10 were over 15mm trigger was last night.
I was given Milk of Magnesia to take again. Last time I wasn't able to stomach it at all, this time I got half the dose which I better than nothing! I have been feeling the effects from it so I guess it was all I needed anyway.
My estrogen wasn't quite as high as the amount of follicles I had so the nurse told us to expect about 5 of the eggs to be mature. I wonder if it's an indication of the egg quality again? Kind of worries me but I keep reminding myself that there's nothing I can do about it now anyway and I just need to go with the flow.
I am soooo nervous about the fertilization report we'll get Friday. I should be thinking about the retrieval right now but my stress is already focused on the step afterwards :(
If things go as planned, transfer will be mother's day. I hope that's a good sign!
I was given Milk of Magnesia to take again. Last time I wasn't able to stomach it at all, this time I got half the dose which I better than nothing! I have been feeling the effects from it so I guess it was all I needed anyway.
My estrogen wasn't quite as high as the amount of follicles I had so the nurse told us to expect about 5 of the eggs to be mature. I wonder if it's an indication of the egg quality again? Kind of worries me but I keep reminding myself that there's nothing I can do about it now anyway and I just need to go with the flow.
I am soooo nervous about the fertilization report we'll get Friday. I should be thinking about the retrieval right now but my stress is already focused on the step afterwards :(
If things go as planned, transfer will be mother's day. I hope that's a good sign!
Monday, May 2, 2011
Well ultrasound #2 was yesterday. It seems like a bunch of the follicles the tech saw on Thursday have disappeared. We currently have 8 growing nicely in a bunch. I do however wonder if this tech was just not as thorough and there is actually more? She did do the scan pretty quick. Next scan is tomorrow so I guess we'll know more then.
If it is only 8 follicles then I am a little disppointed considering we had twice that only 3 days prior. However if those 8 are all good and fertilize then I'll be soooo happy. Only time will tell I guess. To only have a crystal ball...
I also now have a mystery rash/or burn on my stomach. The nurses at the clinic said they have never seen anything like it before. Yay, another mistery. The doctor told me to take Benedryl to see if that helps and we'll know that way if it's from an alergic reaction or not. So far no change after 24 hours on Benedryl but the Cetrotide did not even leave a mark this morning!
If it is only 8 follicles then I am a little disppointed considering we had twice that only 3 days prior. However if those 8 are all good and fertilize then I'll be soooo happy. Only time will tell I guess. To only have a crystal ball...
I also now have a mystery rash/or burn on my stomach. The nurses at the clinic said they have never seen anything like it before. Yay, another mistery. The doctor told me to take Benedryl to see if that helps and we'll know that way if it's from an alergic reaction or not. So far no change after 24 hours on Benedryl but the Cetrotide did not even leave a mark this morning!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Things are moving along
Well I've been horrible at updating my blog this cycle.
Things are quickly moving along. I started stimming over the weekend and just had my first u/s appointment this morning. Things are looking good so far. This is has actually been the best start to date. The doctor said that it looks like I am having a much more "robust stimmulation" . Now if only that can translate into robust eggs and healthy embryos and then a baby!
We have about 5 or 6 follicles showing up on the chart with 13 more coming up behind, most of which were just on the edge of showing up on the chart. Grow follies grow!!
My stomach is starting to look like a battle zone. With the repronex I usually get a red circle a few inches big that lasts a few days and is at it worst about 12 hours after the injection. There is usually no pain other than when injecting. This time it looks like I am having a more adverse reaction to one of the shots. I have some VERY red marks that are super sore. It was super painful in the shower and clothes rubbing against it hurts. The thing that's weird is that it's a few inches away from where I did the actual injection. I had my usual redness at the injection site plus this. Maybe it's not even related??
Things are quickly moving along. I started stimming over the weekend and just had my first u/s appointment this morning. Things are looking good so far. This is has actually been the best start to date. The doctor said that it looks like I am having a much more "robust stimmulation" . Now if only that can translate into robust eggs and healthy embryos and then a baby!
We have about 5 or 6 follicles showing up on the chart with 13 more coming up behind, most of which were just on the edge of showing up on the chart. Grow follies grow!!
My stomach is starting to look like a battle zone. With the repronex I usually get a red circle a few inches big that lasts a few days and is at it worst about 12 hours after the injection. There is usually no pain other than when injecting. This time it looks like I am having a more adverse reaction to one of the shots. I have some VERY red marks that are super sore. It was super painful in the shower and clothes rubbing against it hurts. The thing that's weird is that it's a few inches away from where I did the actual injection. I had my usual redness at the injection site plus this. Maybe it's not even related??
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
First injection of the cycle done
Well we are officially back on this rollercoaster and the hormones have started again. Yesterday I put on the first patch and this morning was my first injection.
I was a little worried about this morning's injection as it is the first time I used this new medication. From googling, there actually seems to be a world-wide shortage of orgalutran so I was put on cetrotide instead which uses the same ingredients really but requires you to mix a powder with a liquid.
With the orgalutran I had a small red welt that would last a few hours at most and then go away. I was also super itchy right after the injection. With the cetrotide there was no itchiness, a little bit of burning but not too bad. The red welt however is much bigger. It's been an hour now and still very obviously there. We'll see how long it lasts! If this is the only side effect though I'll be happy :)
I was a little worried about this morning's injection as it is the first time I used this new medication. From googling, there actually seems to be a world-wide shortage of orgalutran so I was put on cetrotide instead which uses the same ingredients really but requires you to mix a powder with a liquid.
With the orgalutran I had a small red welt that would last a few hours at most and then go away. I was also super itchy right after the injection. With the cetrotide there was no itchiness, a little bit of burning but not too bad. The red welt however is much bigger. It's been an hour now and still very obviously there. We'll see how long it lasts! If this is the only side effect though I'll be happy :)
Monday, April 11, 2011
Things are starting to move
Well I finally got my positive OPK on Saturday about 2 days later than usual. I'll be starting the Estrogen Patch on April 18th.
I was supposed to be on Orgalutran from the 19th-21st but the clinic ran out so we'll be using cetrotide instead. I was told the side effect are the same as orgalutron; it's just more of a pain to use since it involves mixing saline water with a powder before I can inject. The Repronex and the trigger shot work the same way (everything is pretty much pre-measured so it isn't hard) so it shouldn't be too much of an issue.
Now my thing is, how does a fertility clinic run out of a fertility medication? Apparantly they won't get any orgalutran until the end of May! This happened last time with the dexamethasone but thankfully they got it in a few days before I needed it so we were ok.
I was supposed to be on Orgalutran from the 19th-21st but the clinic ran out so we'll be using cetrotide instead. I was told the side effect are the same as orgalutron; it's just more of a pain to use since it involves mixing saline water with a powder before I can inject. The Repronex and the trigger shot work the same way (everything is pretty much pre-measured so it isn't hard) so it shouldn't be too much of an issue.
Now my thing is, how does a fertility clinic run out of a fertility medication? Apparantly they won't get any orgalutran until the end of May! This happened last time with the dexamethasone but thankfully they got it in a few days before I needed it so we were ok.
Monday, March 28, 2011
She showed up!
Well AF finally showed up one week late. This was actually the longest cycle I've had in about 3 years not counting when I had my miscarriages.
I called it in to the clinic. Usually they require me to pay the cryo fee (fee to freeze any leftover embryos) upfront before they even send my file to the nurses. However this time they didn't ask for it? We haven't anything to freeze in either of our two previous cycles so I am not too worried about it. They would have just ended up having to refund it back to us anyay.
I also found it funny how the nurse was explaining to me how things were going to work over the cycle. After hearing by bored sounding answers she was like "You've done this before, haven't you." Umm, this will be the third time same protocol, same doses, did she not look at my file before calling?? She then asks me if I wanted a teaching visit. Umm, no thanks I think I know how to inject myself by now :P I rather not take time off work I don't have to.
At least we got the ball rolling now. Next step is testing for ovulation starting next week. Once I get a positive OPK (ovulation perdictor kit) then I call that in and wait again for 10 more days. That's when the fun really starts. Lots of boring waiting for the next 3 weeks but from experience I know they will fly by.
Crossing my fingers and toes that third time's the charm!
I called it in to the clinic. Usually they require me to pay the cryo fee (fee to freeze any leftover embryos) upfront before they even send my file to the nurses. However this time they didn't ask for it? We haven't anything to freeze in either of our two previous cycles so I am not too worried about it. They would have just ended up having to refund it back to us anyay.
I also found it funny how the nurse was explaining to me how things were going to work over the cycle. After hearing by bored sounding answers she was like "You've done this before, haven't you." Umm, this will be the third time same protocol, same doses, did she not look at my file before calling?? She then asks me if I wanted a teaching visit. Umm, no thanks I think I know how to inject myself by now :P I rather not take time off work I don't have to.
At least we got the ball rolling now. Next step is testing for ovulation starting next week. Once I get a positive OPK (ovulation perdictor kit) then I call that in and wait again for 10 more days. That's when the fun really starts. Lots of boring waiting for the next 3 weeks but from experience I know they will fly by.
Crossing my fingers and toes that third time's the charm!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
AF is MIA
Where or where is AF? She was due on Saturday. One of the few times I am looking forward to her arrival so that we can get his show on the road she is MIA.
Before anybody asks, I am 100% sure I am not pregnant so it's not because of that. It's also been a pretty stressful month so I am pretty sure that's the cause. These are the times I wish I was charting again. I know I had ovulation signs for almost a week after when I should have ovulated so I knew this was going to be a possibility but was really hoping my body would behave.
I am really hoping that by posting this, she'll finally show up :P
Once she comes, we call in our day 1, pay the clinic the fee for freezing (which we get back if there is nothing to freeze) and then we wait some more. Things will only start moving about 3 weeks after I call in my day 1.
Before anybody asks, I am 100% sure I am not pregnant so it's not because of that. It's also been a pretty stressful month so I am pretty sure that's the cause. These are the times I wish I was charting again. I know I had ovulation signs for almost a week after when I should have ovulated so I knew this was going to be a possibility but was really hoping my body would behave.
I am really hoping that by posting this, she'll finally show up :P
Once she comes, we call in our day 1, pay the clinic the fee for freezing (which we get back if there is nothing to freeze) and then we wait some more. Things will only start moving about 3 weeks after I call in my day 1.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Reality setting in
This morning was not such a good morning. Reality is setting in that there is a very real possibility that I will never have that biological child. I will most likely never be able to look at my child and see myself in them, never see my familie's traits. This has always been something I did not think I cared about but now that I am faced with it I guess it seems I do. Don't get me wrong, the yearn to have children his stronger than the need for a bio child so we will definately pursue adoption or donor eggs but for now I am mourning my fertility.
I guess this is probably at the core of why I want to get this next cycle started as soon as possible. I need to know one way or another whether I should be closing the door on the prospect of a bio child. I feel like by waiting to cycle it's like pulling a band aid off slowly and just stretching out the process. I also compare it to dangling that carrot just out of my reach. There's that little bit of hope of getting that child that feels like if I just stretch hard enough maybe I could grasp it. The longer it's hanging there the more cruel it seems.
I guess this is probably at the core of why I want to get this next cycle started as soon as possible. I need to know one way or another whether I should be closing the door on the prospect of a bio child. I feel like by waiting to cycle it's like pulling a band aid off slowly and just stretching out the process. I also compare it to dangling that carrot just out of my reach. There's that little bit of hope of getting that child that feels like if I just stretch hard enough maybe I could grasp it. The longer it's hanging there the more cruel it seems.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Follow-up appointment
Well we had our follow up with the specialist today. We got pretty much the answers we expected which was none really.
He showed us the embryologist report which had a paragraph in bold that was basically medical jargon for my eggs were crap and there was a definate egg quality issue this time that was not there 6 months earlier.
When we asked the doctor if it was my reserve that deterioated that badly over 6 months, we were told it was "hard to tell" so bascially it's a crapshoot whether our next cycle will be closer to the first time or similar or worse to the second.
On paper, the stimulation, hormone levels looked even better than the first time and just goes to show you that you really don't know what you have until you get in there.
We got the go ahead that we can now try again at any time. We'll be kept on the same protocol and same doses and will cross our fingers that 3rd times a charm! There is also now a note in our file to give me more happy drugs at the next retrieval, hopefully that will help with the pain.
Now the issue is that I want to get right back on the horse and call in my next day 1. (AF is 10 days away so stims would still only start in about 6 weeks with the egg retrieval and what not still about 8 weeks away)
My husband however wants to wait another cycle. It looks like we have some more discussions on the this issue in our future
He showed us the embryologist report which had a paragraph in bold that was basically medical jargon for my eggs were crap and there was a definate egg quality issue this time that was not there 6 months earlier.
When we asked the doctor if it was my reserve that deterioated that badly over 6 months, we were told it was "hard to tell" so bascially it's a crapshoot whether our next cycle will be closer to the first time or similar or worse to the second.
On paper, the stimulation, hormone levels looked even better than the first time and just goes to show you that you really don't know what you have until you get in there.
We got the go ahead that we can now try again at any time. We'll be kept on the same protocol and same doses and will cross our fingers that 3rd times a charm! There is also now a note in our file to give me more happy drugs at the next retrieval, hopefully that will help with the pain.
Now the issue is that I want to get right back on the horse and call in my next day 1. (AF is 10 days away so stims would still only start in about 6 weeks with the egg retrieval and what not still about 8 weeks away)
My husband however wants to wait another cycle. It looks like we have some more discussions on the this issue in our future
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)